


My Horse Prince

by TsingaDark



Series: why [1]
Category: My Horse Prince (Video Game), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, Horses, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Phil is a horse with a human head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:53:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10101608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsingaDark/pseuds/TsingaDark
Summary: Dan spends his holidays on a ranch and meets Phil, a human-horse hybrid.or the one where even the author laughed while writing it because it's the weirdest shit they've ever written





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is by far the weirdest thing I've ever written and I still can't believe I actually wrote this because what the fuck
> 
> this is not meant to be taken seriously at all, it's pure crack, but I just needed to write this after the second episode and seeing the fanart
> 
> many, many thanks to Allie ([tumblr](http://trigatriskaidekaphobia.tumblr.com), [AO³](http://archiveofourown.org/users/inimitablemarie/profile)), who made this readable, you're the best <3
> 
> idek what else to say about this apart from: I'm sorry

Dan can’t believe he’s actually doing this. He’s spending his holidays, his actual  _ free time _ , in the countryside, or more specifically on a horse ranch. A _ horse ranch. _

He doesn’t even like horses, for fuck’s sake. Or at least not to the extent where he would go and actively spend time with one. And yet here he is, in the middle of nowhere, about to learn how to ride a horse.

Even the concept of that is terrifying enough and, for about the millionth time that day, he asks himself why he ever thought this would be a good idea. A lot of alcohol had probably been involved in the planning process because there’s no way he came up with this sober. 

He’s standing at the edge of a field, the wind gently ruffling his newly-cut hair as he watches the horses from afar. In a few minutes, they’re going to set foot on the field and try to gain the horses’ attention  so they’ll be able to have some “bonding time” before they actually try to ride them. Dan’s probably the least excited member of the group of ten or so people who are there with him. For a second, he thinks about quietly sneaking away, but then Steve — or was it Christian? — is clapping him on the shoulder with enough force to send Dan stumbling forwards and almost into the fence. He’s saved from an electric shock only because Steve-or-Christian’s hand is still on him, holding him back.

“I see you’re excited to get to know your horse,” he says, and it takes a lot of Dan’s willpower to not scoff.

Before he can protest, they’re all ushered through the gate and Steve-or-Christian stands before them, hands on his hips. “Good morning everyone!” he all but yells, even though he’s already greeted them twice in the last ten minutes alone.

“I don’t want to sound like one of those gurus who tell you a single moment can change your life, but today your life is going to change for the better!”

Dan can’t help but roll his eyes. Steve-or-Christian has been spewing shit like this since they met an hour ago and already Dan wishes he’d taken earplugs with him. 

“Because today,” he pauses dramatically, “you are going to meet the horses with whom you’ll be spending the rest of your time here!” 

Everyone claps at that and Dan forces himself to join in. What the fuck has he got himself into? He kind of zones out for the rest of the speech, simply because he can’t pay attention to the bullshit motivational speech, and instead finds himself focusing on the horses at the other end of the field. It’s only when suddenly everyone starts to head off in that direction that he realises they are supposed to do something and that he has no idea what that something is. 

He quietly follows a woman who seems to know what she’s doing. After a few minutes of watching her closely, however, he realises that she’s aimlessly wandering around, not quite coming close to the horses but instead circling around them. A bit confused, Dan looks around and sees that the others are walking around similarly. Despite this being The Moment Of Contact, no one is actually getting close to the horses. 

Dan stops and sighs. He has no desire whatsoever to wander around for the next few hours without anything happening. Maybe if he just stands here, someone will take pity on him and send him home. Or he could simply try to climb over the fence while no one’s looking. He’d even bear the electrical shock that would probably paralyse him if it meant that he wouldn’t have to suffer through the rest of this already horrible holiday that he  _ chose for himself _ . 

“Oh hello there,” a voice says to his right, and Dan almost yelps in surprise.

“He—” the words he wants to say get stuck in his throat as he turns around and sees who approached him. He slowly shuts his eyes, sure that he’s hallucinating from all the horse fumes he must have accidentally absorbed today, but when he reopens them a few seconds later, it’s to the same sight — a horse with a fucking human head. 

“ _ What _ ?” Dan stammers. After the initial shock has worn off, he notices that the head is actually quite good-looking, with its black hair and striking blue eyes, but he forces himself to remember that he’s thinking that about a  _ freaking horse _ !

“What the actual fuck,” he says, his voice getting higher. Did they mix drugs into his food or something? There’s no way what he’s seeing is actually real.

“I’m Phil,” the horse —  _ the horse!! _ — says, as if it can’t see that Dan’s freaking out.

“I’m Dan,” Dan answers automatically. It kind of feels like his body has taken control over him since he can’t even form a coherent thought anymore. 

“Nice to meet you, Dan,” the horse says. Dan refuses to call him Phil even in his own head. He looks around, trying to see if anyone else has noticed the weird human-horse hybrid yet, but everyone seems too engrossed in their own affairs, trying to bond with horses of their own. Does that mean that this…  _ thing  _ isn’t actually a horse with a human head but a normal horse and Dan’s dreaming the rest up? Maybe he fell asleep earlier and this is one of these weird-ass dreams he sometimes gets when he has too much sugar. 

“So, you’re new, huh? I haven’t seen you around here before,” the horse says, eyeing Dan up, and Dan honest-to-God wants to scream. A fucking horse is flirting with him!

“Uh, no, I, um,” Dan stutters, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’s still talking to a horse. He cannot stress that fact enough — a  _ horse _ . “I’m on holiday.”

“Oh, for how long?” The horse’s (gorgeous) human head smirks at him and Dan can feel his heartbeat accelerating. What the fuck is wrong with him? Is he so desperate that any kind of attention renders him incoherent?

“Uh,” Dan answers unintelligently. “Just, uh, not for long.” He will make sure he gets the fuck out of here when this is over, that’s for sure.

His eyes involuntarily trail over the horse’s body and he has to admit that he’s pretty fit-looking — for a horse, that is. Which isn’t attractive at all, because horses aren’t attractive.

“Well, then we’ll have to make the most of that time, won’t we?” Phil fucking  _ winks  _ at him.

Dan’s about to answer — what exactly he intends to say, he has no idea — when Steve-or-Christian appears next to him. 

“I see you’ve met Phil,” he says and pats Phil on his shoulder, or whatever that part of a horse is called. 

Dan can only stare at him, dumbfounded. Does he not see the human head?! Or does it not faze him at all? Is this normal this far in the countryside?!

“He’s quite the horse, isn’t he?” Steve-or-Christian says, when Dan doesn’t answer. 

“Oh, stop it, Bernie,” Phil says, actually  _ blushing _ , and Dan kind of wants to be struck by lightning right now. 

“Right, I’m going to leave you two alone,” Bernie (who is apparently called neither Steve nor Christian) says and winks at Dan. Dan has no idea what the fuck that’s supposed to mean because he sure as hell isn’t going to make out with a fucking horse simply because it has a human head (even if it  _ is _ a good-looking one, it’s still a  _ horse _ ). 

“Here,” Bernie presses a carrot into Dan’s hand. “Why don’t you give him some food?” With those words he saunters off to his next victim.

Dan wants nothing more than to throw the carrot away and run for his life. Why does Phil even eat carrots when he could obviously eat anything, since he’s only part horse? And when the fuck did he start thinking of Phil as only part horse?!

“Um,” Dan says, staring at the carrot in his hand. When he lifts his gaze, it’s to find that Phil’s already looking at him, making…  _ bedroom eyes _ at him?! Or maybe he’s only looking like that because he’s desperate for the carrot. Dan really hopes it’s the latter. 

“Uh, here?” He shoves the carrot towards Phil, only to realise belatedly that since Phil isn’t fully human, he can’t take the carrot out of his hand.

“Feed it to me,” Phil says, his voice smooth and low, and oh, dear God, Dan can feel himself shiver from the way Phil’s voice washes over him. 

“Okay.” 

Before Dan can think about what he’s doing, he’s stepped closer to Phil and is offering him the carrot. Slowly, while maintaining eye contact with Dan, Phil leans forwards and bites off a part, and Dan almost has a heart attack, it’s so fucking hot. A second later, he mentally slaps himself because dear Lord, this is still a horse he’s having such thoughts about. A _ horse _ !

“Hmm,” Phil hums and licks his lips. “Delicious.”

After that, Dan can’t really help himself. He watches avidly how Phil devours the rest of the carrot, and for some reason it’s sexier than it has any right to be, considering Dan can’t ignore that Phil is a horse. Even if he blocks out Phil’s body, there’s still his horse ears peeking out of his soft-looking black hair.  

Then the carrot is gone and Dan is left staring at Phil, his heart beating faster and faster within his chest. Suddenly, his back is pressed against a tree trunk, and  _ wait _ , where did the tree come from? 

He hears a loud bang next to his head and realises that it’s Phil’s hoof. He wants to say something but Phil’s face is very close all of a sudden, his blue eyes sparkling as he smirks at Dan. “So,” he says in his low voice and Dan’s knees feel like jelly.

“Do you want to ride me?”

Dan chokes on his own spit. “ _ What _ ?!” he yelps, sure that he’s misheard.

“You do want to go horse riding while you’re here, don’t you?” Phil says, and Dan’s kind of relieved.

“Uh, sure,” he replies, although he doesn’t want that anymore and hadn’t really to begin with. 

“Well then, would you do me the honor of spending the rest of your time here with me?” Phil’s biting his lip and Dan really has to restrain himself from leaning forwards.  _ Still a horse, still a horse _ , he keeps repeating inside his head,  _ still a horse _ !

“Yes,” he breathes out regardless, and panics a moment later when he realises what he’s just agreed to. He’ll never be able to live through a week of this, this confusion of kind of being attracted to Phil’s head but then seeing his body and freaking the fuck out, because _what the hell_?! This shouldn’t even be possible!

“I look forward to riding with you,” Phil says, giving Dan one last once-over before he lowers his hoof and trots away, his hair blowing in the wind.

“What the actual fuck,” Dan mutters under his breath, a hand on his racing heart. One part of him can’t wait to get the fuck out of here, but the other part wants to follow Phil and gaze into his dreamy eyes again.

This certainly isn’t how he envisioned his holiday would go and he certainly hadn’t thought that Bernie would be right, but Dan’s life has changed completely in the last few minutes and he isn’t sure he’ll be able to go back to the way it was before. Not after having met Phil.


End file.
